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Archive for the ‘lying’ Category

  I was just sitting down to write a blog entry on lying when I came across this article in today's Post-Gazette (by way of Facebook, oddly enough, social networking is crazy) about a recent study that found that parents routinely lie to their kids.

In a new study, researchers found that parents consistently lie to
their children — with many viewing dishonestly as an essential
parenting tool. In a survey of 127 parents, "the vast majority" reported telling
lies to their children, while simultaneously emphasizing to them the
importance of honesty, said Gail Heyman, a psychology professor at the
University of California, San Diego and co-author of the study.  Of the nine examples that the study presented of lies that a mother
might tell their 6-year-old, 78 percent of parents gave positive
responses to at least one. Read full story

Really?  Is that news?

Lying used to be one of those things I said I'd never do.  I saw friends who had kids before me often lie to their children to get them to go to bed or eat their vegetables. Those little lies like "if you don't eat your veggies your tummy will be sad".  I swore I'd never do that.

Then I became a mom.

I find sometimes lying to my kids seems to be only way to get them to listen, and other times it just saves me from having to explain a truth that's far more complicated than they could understand.

My favorite lie is "brush your teeth or they will all fall out".  It's horrible, I know, but it works.  Explaining the nuances of gum disease might not get through to them but telling them their teeth will fall out works. Every time.

I also have found it useful lately to tell Ben that we're leaving him at home by himself if he doesn't listen (usually he refuses to get dressed or get his shoes on, etc).  I go so far as to walk outside, start the car, etc. And most of the time it works. Every other method I've tried hasn't worked, but the lying…works like a charm.  We also tend to gravitate towards the "we have to go to the store, we'll be right back" lie rather than tell our kids we're leaving them with a sitter and subject us all to the trauma that ensues when those words are spoken.

Is it wrong to lie to our kids?

I know the answer is probably  yes, that it's wrong. We're trying to teach our kids to tell the truth, but yet we lie to them.

I would argue that it's not always wrong, though. Not when the truth is too hard for them to understand. There are many topics that are just too complex for kids to grasp and so we have to explain it in ways they can understand, and that often constitutes not telling the truth.

My kids each got a balloon when Mike's mom died last month.  We wrote a note on the balloon (I love you grandma) and let them "go up to heaven" so grandma could have them.  Was that a lie? Yes. Do I think it was wrong? Absolutely not. 

So do you think it's wrong to lie to your kids, or necessary?
If you're a "liar, liar pants on fire", what is your "lie of choice"?

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